"I am moving to another country."

A few days ago I said the words out loud for the first time. "I am moving to another country." It's funny how we process things and although it weighs heavily on the mind, it usually takes time for reality to set in. Transitions are a funny thing. Whether it's a new job, getting married, having kids, or moving to another country sooner than expected, we all process in different ways. Lately I have found myself trapped in this. Mind racing. Wondering. The emotions attached to this have been unexpected and not the easiest to deal with. Sorting through what's real and what is just a product of my stress has been tricky. I don't feel like my head is in the best place but don't know how to talk to anyone about it because I myself don't completely understand what is going on. It's bringing up a fair amount of insecurity and sadness that I was not prepared for. I know I have been stubborn about the whole "everything happens for a reason" crap but it seems this move was a blessing in disguise. The school I work for is a mess and people who have been there for over 10 years are resigning. We have a new administration this year and they rule with an iron fist, creating a culture of fear and it's ugly. There was a time when I loved working there, so it saddens me, but such is life. Sometimes things that happen to us appear negative when really they are just the swift kick we need to move on. So what's my problem then? I know all this yet still am struggling with this transition. Thailand and I have a bit of a dysfunctional relationship but at the end of the day there is love. Maybe it's the uncertainty? It has been less than a year since I packed up my life and moved here only to be "kicked off the island" and forced to figure things out on my own again. I don't really know... but that is the point, I suppose. There are so many things to look forward to but I feel like they are just out of my reach right now. I am elated at the thought of being home in Oregon, seeing my family and friends, and embarking on a new adventure in Seoul. I think we all struggle with wishing away time at certain points in life. I am not sure which way is up at the moment, but it's alright. There is no reason to feel sorry, my life is amazing and I know it but that doesn't mean it's not difficult at times. We have to acknowledge these things in order to sort through them, so here's hoping.