February came and went faster than I care to recognize. Throughout the shortest month of the year I turned 27, visited Chiang Dao, went camping on the top of a mountain in Mae Hong Son province with Thai friends, and as March began I found myself in a bit of an existential crisis...
No one ever said moving to SE Asia alone would be easy. As someone who does not feel meant to live in the US I have found myself ahead of the curve with the transition until the 6 month mark, where I am beginning to really feel it. I suppose the easiest way to explain it is an overwhelming sense that I hate this ridiculous (at times) country, and the urge to lock myself in my bedroom. This of course does pass and for 98% of the time I am infatuated and in love with this place, there is the 2% where I completely fall apart.
It seems that relationships in Thailand are fleeting. You may have a really close friend who will leave in a month, or 6, or possibly a year or longer. What does this mean in terms of building a stable life? Well I think the answer is that really doesn't happen for people who chose this life. If you are very lucky there are people around you who are true friends. Investing time in them is never a waste. You can say the same for any relationship, anywhere in the world. People leave, get married, have children, etc. You really have to be secure with yourself and comfortable with being/ travelling alone. Like I said, for me 98% of the time this is fine, but then there is that 2% where I am inclined to eat copious amounts of junk food and watch anything in English I can get my hands on.
For now it is a matter of acknowledging these feelings and waiting for them to pass. In the mean time just trying to remember that I live in an amazing place, and am very lucky. The Thai Beaches and April break cannot come fast enough. Thankfully, adventure awaits.
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